I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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