I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
