Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
