Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize