I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
