you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
