Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
