why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
