dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
