I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
