I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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