maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize