can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
