No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
