My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize