Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
