Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
