My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
