K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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