so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
