oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
