I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
