just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
