WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
