Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
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