I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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