I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
