we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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