Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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