If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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