Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
