He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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