That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
