so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
