I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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