wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
