the condom got lost in my hair
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
