He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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