I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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