just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
