wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He better not be in your backpack
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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