We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize