I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
