I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
we're making bets on your personal life
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
