Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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