I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
