Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
