do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
