genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
