like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
