Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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