I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you have to choose: penises or morals?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
