What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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