I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
