Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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