There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
