Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize