why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize