What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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