I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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