Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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