One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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