he thought i was a dude.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
