How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
