I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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