whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Send help, water and tortillas.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
