Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
